Draco

A couple of days ago I found myself on the bathroom floor, in the middle of one of my monthly (worryingly becoming weekly) crying sessions. Nothing particularly sad happened that day, but I was listening to The Scientist, and all the frustration and despair filled inside. As the tears welled up, I removed my glasses and muffled my sobs. In the silence of the night I didn’t want to wake the house. After I felt better, with a lighter heart I heaved myself up, and caught my reflection in the mirror.

I froze.

My eyes were red, my hair was a mess, and my face was ugly (not the natural unattractiveness, but my face showed that I was frighteningly vulnerable). This wasn’t the me that anyone knew. Who would have thought, that under my layers of pride and class, under all that mask of anger and bravery was a boy who just wanted to correct his mistakes, a lad that wished for simpler times and better friends. Almost as if he was embarrassed that he caught himself crying, the reflection washed his face in the sink as the cold water trickled down my face. I looked back up at the mirror.

This self awareness woke me up like a can of Coke. That rudimental feeling of helplessness really hurts one’s ego. It keeps one grounded, acknowledging the nihilist in them. If I had my way, I would make sure everyone cries on their bathroom floor at least on an annual basis.

 Sometimes you don’t know whats inside of you. I could say I’m more self sufficient. I could say that I’m independent these days. But when no one’s looking - not even me - I’m the dude that stayed up and cried at 3 AM, the boy that wants to just make his family proud, marry a nice girl and move to Fort WIlliam. The guy who just hates his mistakes, and wished he could take them back if only he could. The lad that can’t take it anymore. The bloke who wants it quit. I am Malfoy.